There are so many different life lessons that are tossed at us like a really messed up vegetable platter. Some were handed to us on a nice little plate, as a kid, while our parents force fed them to us. To later down the road, realize that our parents were right about the whole vegetable thing. Other times, it was not so pleasant, like not being allowed to leave the table till that last piece of spinach had been eaten. Whether it’s force fed or picked up later in life, voluntarily, that lesson will still be learned; vegetables are good for you. That and…well I guess our parents are usually right. As for me, I never learned all that well through people and their crazy antics and more often than not, I ignored any and all lessons anybody tried to teach me. Anybody that knows me, knows I am the most stubborn, and hard-headed individual you may ever meet. Sometimes that works really well…most of the time…not so much. That is, until I met an individual who matched me in that thick skull department.
When I met this life changing individual, I was told she was a “psychotic, crazy, un-trusting, stupid individual who had a sketchy past and despite attempts was never going to mellow out.” For those that don’t know, the individual I keep referring to is not another human body, but she is, in fact, a horse. A very special one at that. For me, she sounded like nothing out of the ordinary as I grew up with some not so sane horses. She reminded me of somebody; somebody very familiar, almost too familiar. You know why? She sounded JUST. LIKE. ME. At the time, I had no idea what was in store. Nor did I know that she was going to be the one to throw all those life lessons at me that I persistently put off and told myself I didn’t need. In fact, I learned all of this in my first year of working with this crazy, red head. Everything about this wild, wide eyed, tense, spooky mare was calling my name. We both needed each other, and something brought us together. I wouldn’t take a single drop of blood, sweat or tear with this mare back as she taught me the most basic principles of life in such a short period of time.
- Patience
Nobody has ever tried my patience like my ‘sweet’ girl has. With that being said, nobody has taught me more about not only having patience with others, but about having patience with myself as well. This mare is a very special kind of mare. She is the most intelligent being I have ever had the pleasure of being around. Along with those perfect moments where it all just clicked between us, comes a lot of tantrums and moments where she tests me. She is the type to ALWAYS find something to think about. Whether that be finding something to spook at, trying to throw me into a fence, or simply throwing your classic little kid tantrum. For anybody on the outside, this can be very frustrating and quite intimidating as she senses every single tense muscle in your body and it’s all just a downhill roll from there. She quickly taught me that the more I react to her, the harder and more chaotic the moment can become; quickly getting out of hand. So, I learned the importance of just taking a breath and being patient. If I had the PTSD I can only imagine her having, I would want somebody to be just as patient with me while I healed. She’s scared? Take a deep breath and go easy. She shuts down to be done? Take a deep breath and find something fun for her to do. She lacks the confidence to cross a bridge? Take a deep breath and take it one step at a time. Nothing in life is worth rushing through. Whether it be the tarp chasing her, or her being able to leave the property all by herself, it took everything I had in me to give her the mentality that she can do absolutely anything. She never ceases to amaze me by how much she was able to overcome with just a little patience. Some things took me all year to get her to conquer and some things took me just as long in my personal life to overcome. When there’s a life task that you just never seem to be able to surpass, take a breath and have the patience to conquer it. No matter how long it takes, give yourself the time and patience that you deserve to climb any hill and fight any fight to come out higher than ever. That is something that I will always firmly believe in. Nothing comes fast and surely nothing comes easy, give yourself the patience needed to do the things you’ve always told yourself was impossible. That’s exactly what this mare and I have set out to do and it has been nothing but a journey. Not always a fun one, but a journey at that.
- Forgive
In the beginning, forgiving would not have been a characteristic I would use to describe this girl. Honestly, I have never been the most forgiving person either. I grew up with a very emotionally distant and harmful being in my life and continued to surround myself with that type of person. I blamed a lot of my anger and disappointment on those individuals and in a way this horse did the same. She came from the Marine Corps where my guess is they did not treat her very fairly and manhandled her. I quickly learned this is not a very strategic way to approach her. To force her into a situation that she is clearly not comfortable in would cause some serious damage as it would to even the strongest individuals. When I met her, I was warned of two things: She doesn’t like or trust men, and she doesn’t trust anybody on her back. When placed with a rider, she lost any and all confidence. After working with her for some time, I finally gained her trust. She trusted me with everything. Having that, I found that she tries her heart out for me. She will try absolutely anything I throw towards her even if it terrifies her. She tries, and she tries, just for me and that is something I could never cherish more. For her to be able to forgive people for doing some pretty horrible things and trust me is a huge step. It was almost as if one day she just forgave everybody from her past and trusted me with her future. She currently loves my boyfriend more than I have ever seen her love a man, and in fact she may even like his fig newton’s more than mine. She trusts him. To me it was an awe-struck moment. I never thought I would see the day that she would forget how men treated her in the past and just completely forgive. If she could do that then, why couldn’t I? She opened up her heart and mind to all the greatness there is when you simply forgive those that hurt you. That opened up so many doors to let love in, which is the very next thing she taught me.
- Love and let Love
I am the worst when it comes to love. When it comes to loving other individuals and loving myself, I am more often than not scared out of my mind and dip before feelings get too severe. That’s just how I cope with such a scary concept. Well, even though this girl had a not so fun past, she still loves with every ounce of her being. She shares more emotions with me then I even knew she could possess. She feels everything so intensely that she will pout and be mad at me if I leave her for extended periods of time. That’s something that always perplexed me. In my mind, I could not imagine loving another being so much that if they left for even three days, I had to win their heart back. But man, once you have that love and that affection you never want to lose it. I learned that if I opened my heart and shared as many emotions with her that she shared with me, my mind and my spirit became eased and everything just seemed to fit. There are days where I want nothing more than to just curl up in bed and forget about my day or week and pretend like it never happened. When I feel like that, there’s usually not much there to save me…except for her. I can walk into her stall, and she will just nicker at me and lay her head with me until the tears stop falling. Her love for me could cure any heartache and it is unbelievable that the affection from a red, ball of fur can beat any drug. Earning her love was nothing shy of a privilege, one never to be taken for granted. When it came to loving myself, I didn’t. At all. But around her, no matter what I’m wearing, no matter what I’m doing, she still and always will love me endlessly. If she can do it, surely, I can too. Because of the bond I have with her, I for once feel like it should always be that easy to love. I will always thank her for making that possible for me.
- Have a sense of humor
Now here’s where the lesson gets fun. Having a sense of humor is huge and often over looked. This horse makes me laugh more than any other equine I have ever worked with. She tries to make every interaction a fun one and turns everything into a game. For example, if I leave her stall door open and walk away (as I often do because she is not to follow me out until asked), she will proceed to throw things off her stall door, pull things out of her box to throw them or simply stare at me menacingly from down the aisle. AS I turn around to her loud noises banging from behind me, there are these two big bright eyes staring at me as she looks first at her stuff all over the barn aisleway then glances back at me for my response. Or the fact that my fat horse found out that if she sits on her stall gate, leaning all her weight on it, the chain would snap, and she would be free to roam. To be later found eating everybody’s alfalfa from in front of their stalls all night long. Now, this horse doesn’t exactly have the best and most logical response to things, so it’s always something new with her. She keeps you on your toes by the way she chooses to handle and think about situations. Her reaction is always different, you can see the wheels turning in her head and her responses are always nothing shy of hysterical. Sometimes it’s her irrationality that makes me laugh, sometimes it’s the blank stares. There isn’t a day that goes by, where she does not make me laugh till I can’t breathe. She has definitely taught me that if we live our lives full of laughter and humor then there shall never be a dull and boring day.
- Be a saving “Grace”
Here’s one of the most important lessons I learned from my horse. So, it’s about time I share with you her name. She goes by many names, and on any given day you may hear me screaming “YOU LITTLE SHIT” during times where she outsmarts me (only every day of my life) or whispering “Princess” while cuddling in the corner. Her real name, though, is Grace. She is nothing less than my saving Grace. Coincidence that this girl walked into my life? Part of me thinks not. This lesson is so important, because not only was she my saving Grace, but I was hers. Like previously mentioned she didn’t have a very fun childhood. She didn’t have anybody to help her with her fears and she didn’t have anybody to love her. She had nobody. She needed a person and that’s what I was for. When she struggles to handle something too difficult, she trusts me to get her through it; she trusts me enough to ask me for guidance. She doesn’t get punishment from me, she gets encouragement. That’s exactly what I am there to do. More often than not, I find her wanting to step back into safety, into that comfort, and it is up to me to get her to step forward into growth instead. I listened to anything and everything she wanted to tell me about her past. Every wrinkle above her worried eyes, every spook away from a tarp, every jump to hide behind momma stunt she pulled….. I listened. That’s all she needed, and in a way, that’s all I needed too. I needed my saving “Grace” to sit there and listen to my worries. That is what everybody else needs too. Be that person for somebody. You never know the world of the difference you may make to somebody. Go out there and be somebody’s Grace.
It all may sound foolish to non-horse people, but I know that everybody learns their lessons in many different ways. I may have learned the most valued lessons extremely unconventionally, but I could have never asked for a better teacher than my sweet Gracie Bug. She balances me out and will always be the beating heart I turn to when I simply don’t feel I can make it through a battle. We grew side by side, she taught me more than I could ever thank her for, and she is the best life partner I could have ever asked for.