Where the True Journey Began

Imagine if you will a cocoon. Plain and non-descript. From that, after a period of internal change and transformation, emerges a beautiful, and uniquely colorful butterfly. In 2006, at the age of 39, I had come to realize I had lost sight of who I was. Over the years I had been known as Oscar’s daughter, Danny’s sister, Rick’s wife, or Michael and Rhianna’s mother. Somewhere, along the way, I had lost sight of Tarita. In January of that year, I made the decision to join a TaeKwonDo class with my son.  Not for my own personal growth, but to support the internal growth of Michael. I remember that first day of class well. In my white Gi, wrapped in my white belt, I hid at the back of the class. Plain and non-descript in my own little cocoon. Always the follower, the supporter, and never the leader. In front of me stood rows of more Senior Students, wrapped in various more colorful belts. In the front right position stood Salvador, the most Senior Student, wearing his bold black belt. It was his voice, which called us to attention. It was his voice that prepared us to listen to Mr. Penny, a Sensei I will always admire. As I struggled to grasp the most basic of tasks and commands, I observed the others doing things I could never imagine myself ever accomplishing. Spinning, jumping, breaking boards, sparring, and commanding the attention of others.  No way, I thought, could I ever be like that. Unbeknownst to me, what began as a class to show support for my son became the beginning of my own personal transformation. I set my sights on the black belt, and desired it by the age of 42. With the support and encouragement of Mr. Penny, I decided to do it one belt at a time. In three months I tested for my yellow belt, and passed with an excellent score. Three months later, with the orange belt behind me, I was jumping. With that came confidence and forward I pressed. I overcame my fear of punching things and learned punching and kicking bags was very therapeutic. By this time, my son for whom I had started, had quit. Two green belts later, and I had sparring gear in hand.   Now not only was I punching bags, I was sparring people.  With the blue belt came my biggest challenge, spinning. While not as graceful as Salvador, I mastered the spin kick. With a broken foot I later tested for my blue belt….. And passed. No longer in the back of the class, now lined up in the middle, I became among those the newcomers looked up to. I became a mentor, just as Salvador had mentored me. By watching me, they themselves, desired to continue. Without even knowing it, I was becoming a leader. Next thing I knew, I stood before Mr. Penny with a board held in his outstretched arms. All eyes were on me, with the expectation that I would break the board. I was terrified, but with the encouragement of Mr. Penny, I mentally prepared and released my downward hammer fist. Just like that, the board shattered. As I bowed myself out, I felt empowered. As more months went by I earned my purple belt, then my red, and ultimately my brown. No longer hiding in the back of the class, I was now in the front row. Standing next to the likes of Salvador. I was arriving. About this time, Mr. Penny asked me to lead a class in his absence. Are you kidding? Me? I could have said no, but seeing his confidence in my abilities I did as he asked. I was a leader Another day, I found myself poised in the front right of the class. For that day, at that moment, I was the Senior Student. It was my voice, which called everyone to attention. It was my voice, which prepared everyone for Mr. Penny’s instruction. More time passed, and with my black belt recommended behind me, I prepared for my black belt. In May 2009, a month after my 42^nd birthday, I tested. In front of the class, I performed the required forms for all 10 prior belts. I sparred not one, not two, but three people at once. I broke boards with both my hands and my feet. More importantly, I passed. Not unlike the butterfly, from the plain non-descript cocoon of my white Gi and belt, after a period of internal change and transformation, I emerged a uniquely colorful individual. While I no longer practice TaeKwonDo, the skills I learned then have contributed to the person I am today.  Tarita has arrived.